Table of Contents

Download a pdf version of Consider it Done the Book – Table of Contents

1. Relatively Speaking

  • How to turn your great-aunt’s hideous jewelry into something you’ll actually wear
  • How to get out of going to a family reunion
  • How to teach your elderly relative to be internet savvy
  • How to hire a fake fiancé to escort you to a family reunion
  • How to speak with your unborn baby
  • How to welcome a new mom home from the hospital

  • How to stay sane as a new mom
  • How to make baby food from scratch
  • How to get your kids to sleep in their own beds
  • How to convince your kids that doing dishes, cleaning their room, and doing chores is fun
  • How to start a family game night tradition
  • How to create a family crest
  • How to tell your mother you got a tattoo
  • How to get rid of your kids’ things once they move out of the house
  • How to commission someone to paint a family portrait
  • How to get your wife to let you watch the game in peace

2. Around the World

  • How to guarantee your luggage won’t get lost
  • How to make the best of being stranded in an airport
  • How to efficiently pack for a trip
  • How to Hire Your Own Security Guard to Take You Around a Dangerous City
  • How to Know What to Bring When Traveling with a Baby
  • How to Find a Custom Tailor in a Foreign City
  • How to Get a Passport Issued—Overnight
  • How to get to Everest base camp
  • How to get the best seat on an airplane
  • How to make people think you’re a local even if you’re a tourist
  • How to find a dentist in another country
  • How to hike the Appalachian Trail
  • How to Book a Ferry to a Greek Island
  • How to get Valerian Root to Kuwait (or another weird substance into a foreign country)
  • How to book a hot air balloon ride
  • How to get the brand of chewing gum you got hooked on in Japan
  • How to get armed security guards on a commercial flight
  • How to travel on a major holiday without losing your mind

3. In the Name of Love

  • How to blow a first date
  • How to impress your date with your drink order
  • How to Signal to Your Dinner Date That You Need the Heimlich (and Still Get a Second Date)
  • How to convince your single friend to join a dating website
  • How to set up two of your friends—and not get blamed if it doesn’t work out
  • How to reject an unwanted suitor
  • How to be a cute Valentine
  • How to get a custom engagement ring designed
  • How to Put an Engagement Ring in a Fortune Cookie
  • How to propose at the philharmonic (or any other classy public venue)
  • How to return your ex’s stuff
  • How to bake an engagement ring into a soufflé
  • How to get a wedding dress shipped halfway around the world
  • How to convince your single friend to quit a dating website
  • How to plan a wedding in two weeks
  • How to surprise your bride with a fireworks display
  • How to take care of your man

4. Sneaky But (Mostly) Harmless

  • How to politely and lawfully blackmail anyone
  • How to Hire a Private Investigator
  • How to answer a question if you’re called on in a class/meeting and weren’t paying attention
  • How to cheat at scrabble
  • How to avoid eating a host’s terrible cooking without being (too) rude
  • How to get bumped off a flight so you can get a free ticket
  • How to join a secret society
  • How to Sneak into a Marathon
  • How to replace your daughter’s deceased pet bunny before she gets home from school
  • How to Get Out of a Speeding Ticket
  • How to cut into any line
  • How to Start a False Rumor
  • How to sneak booze into pretty much anywhere
  • How to ace a bail hearing
  • How to Beat a False Rumor
  • How to squeeze your way into a will

5. Mind Your Business

  • How to find the perfect job
  • How to write a résumé
  • How to get monogrammed dress shirts
  • How to Get Your Office Mate to Use Her “Indoor Voice”
  • How to pretend you follow the TV show all your friends/coworkers talk about
  • How to surf the internet at work without being busted
  • How to actually get the to-dos on your list done
  • How to win your office Oscar pool
  • How to get a lazy coworker to shape up
  • How to organize your desk

6. Crowd Pleasers

  • How to hire a snake dancer
  • How to Arrange a Singing Telegram
  • How to choose the perfect karaoke song to impress a crowd—even if you can’t sing
  • How to improve your party with dry ice
  • How to throw an impromptu dinner party
  • How to throw a successful TV show viewing party
  • How to impress a group with a magic trick-and then get them off your back before you have to do a second
  • How to write a toast
  • How to hire a rock band
  • How to create a carnival for a party
  • How to customize anything
  • How to hire a mariachi band
  • How to hire a lion tamer for a party
  • How to be the most interesting person at a party
  • How to Sponsor a Parade
  • How to Install a Bowling Alley in Your Basement
  • How to Make a Grand Gesture—In Skywriting

7. Seemingly Impossible

  • How to get your husband to ask for directions
  • How to solve a Rubik’s cube (in under a minute)
  • How to say no
  • How to get tickets to a sold-out baseball game
  • How to survive a weekend getaway with no cell reception
  • How to get rid of morning sickness
  • How to get rescued from a desert island
  • How to Reclaim a Cell Phone
  • How to lay off chocolate
  • How to refuse a dare
  • How to get a dinner reservation at an impossibly overbooked hot spot with a three-month waiting list
  • How to get rid of the last Five pounds
  • How to get on a reality show
  • How to Get an Autograph From a Reclusive Celebrity (without ending up with a restraining order)
  • How to get 1,000,000 hits on YouTube
  • How to get back a lost wallet
  • How to send flowers to someone without knowing their address
  • How to get a package delivered on Christmas morning
  • How to get a ticket to anything sold out
  • How to make a citizen’s arrest – or not

8. Life & Death

  • How to conduct a séance
  • How to create a bucket list
  • How to avoid a hangover
  • How to go skydiving
  • How to Go Shark Diving
  • How to find out if your house is haunted
  • How to keep your New Year’s resolutions
  • How to write a will
  • How to ship a (dead) body
  • How to bury someone who served in the military
  • How to plan your own funeral
  • How to have an eco-friendly burial (i.e., Cremation)
  • How to Write a Eulogy
  • How to find a good taxidermist
  • How to channel your dead pet

9. Home Sweet Home

  • How to locate a matching spoon for your grandmother’s silver set
  • How to organize your closet in twenty minutes
  • How to get your scummy landlord to replace your broken refrigerator
  • How to make your move smooth and easy
  • How to make sure your renovations are completed on time
  • How to Furnish a Home Quickly
  • How to be sure you have the necessities in your kitchen
  • How to disassemble and reinstall an antique chandelier
  • How to get your Movers to Rearrange Your Furniture One Last Time
  • How to fix a hole in the wall
  • How to move a twenty-gallon fish tank
  • How to get rid of a mildew smell
  • How to turn a closet into a baby’s room
  • How to set up a darkroom in your house
  • How to keep your basement organized
  • How to add a room to your apartment
  • How to get rid of a stubborn smell
  • How to baby-proof a tiny apartment
  • How to keep a plant alive
  • How to “green” your home . . . and get your kids involved

10. Lions & Tigers & Pets, Oh My!

  • How to sneak an elephant into a public park (for an Indian wedding)
  • How to swim with sea lions
  • How to get a rare tropical bird as a pet
  • How to get and keep a pet lion
  • How to get your dog to bring you your slippers
  • How to keep your pets from scratching the floors
  • How to Have a Dog in a Ten-by-Ten Apartment
  • How to make a custom sweater for your dog
  • How to wash your dog
  • How to plan a birthday party for your dog
  • How to get your dog to stop barking at the mail carrier
  • How to make your old dog become best friends with your new dog
  • How to get pet insurance
  • How to care for a dog that suffers from separation anxiety
  • How to Move Your Pet Overseas
  • How to clone your pet
  • How to kill a cockroach

11. Food & Drink

  • How to choose the ripest watermelon
  • How to find a fishmonger in your area
  • How to entice your kids to eat their vegetables
  • How to find a weird culinary concoction that no one has ever heard of
  • How to truss a chicken
  • How to stock the perfect bar
  • How to make the perfect martini
  • How to make Irish cream at home
  • How to make an old-fashioned
  • How to brew your own beer
  • How to choose and serve a bottle of wine like a pro
  • How to create your own wine cellar
  • How to make your favorite cocktails on a plane
  • How to Figure Out What to Order in a Restaurant Where No One Speaks English

12. Show Me the Money

  • How to get your late fees waived
  • How to cut your monthly dry-cleaning bill in half
  • How to avoid baggage charges on a flight
  • How to return something past the warranty date
  • How to Actually Cash in on Your Coupons
  • How to create a budget
  • How to get your taxes done (more or less) on time
  • How to keep your credit-card information safe
  • How to eat for free for an entire week
  • How to split the check with ten stingy friends
  • How to go to live concerts for free (or even make money)
  • How to Tell How Much an Antique Is Worth
  • How to win at Texas Hold ‘Em
  • How to earn quick money by being on television
  • How to Figure Out Who and How Much to Tip at Christmas
  • How to keep your valuables safe in your home

13. Unusual Yet Useful

  • How to locate a discontinued pair of running shoes
  • How to purchase a vietnam combat photo
  • How to locate a fabric from a photo
  • How to send a banana in the mail (with no box or envelope)
  • How to put a photo on a cookie
  • How to send a message on the big screen at a sporting event
  • How to get a Russian Translator to Pick Up Your In-laws From the Airport
  • How to charter a tugboat
  • How to build a sand castle that won’t collapse
  • How to fit more tv into your life
  • How to record your own CD
  • How to get open the plastic bags that come in rolls
  • How to turn your idea into a TV pilot
  • How to get permission to film a movie in an airport
  • How to be a comedian
  • How to change your name just because you feel like it

14. Annoying (But Necessary)

  • How to remember all your passwords
  • How to get gum out of your clothes
  • How to get rid of the hiccups
  • How to unclog a drain
  • How to remember to make all those annoying medical appointments—and then actually show up
  • How to keep your linen shirt from wrinkling
  • How to convert your DVD collection to digital files
  • How to easily donate clothes
  • How to remove a stain
  • How to break in a baseball glove
  • How to write thank-you notes in no time
  • How to stick to a workout plan
  • How to prevent blisters on a long hike
  • How to keep up with sports
  • How to make sure you actually print or make albums for all your digital photos
  • How to change a tire

Download a pdf version of Consider it Done the Book – Table of Contents